A Message to the Husbands (and Dads, Boyfriends, and Any Man Who Was Dragged Here):
We are so sorry for your loss.
Effective immediately upon arrival, you have been demoted from husband, father, or significant other... to unpaid content creator. Your new title is Photographer. No benefits. No fishing. No breaks.
Yes, we have one of the most jaw-dropping canal fronts in all of Cape Coral. Yes, the fish are practically begging to be caught. You will not be catching them. You will be on your knees in front of the 14-foot flower wall saying "okay babe, now look away... now look back... now laugh naturally... no not like that."
We truly apologize. There is no appeals process.
To the Women Reading This:
Welcome home.
This paradise was engineered in a lab specifically for your Instagram grid. We have a pink powder room so gorgeous it looks like Barbie's personal spa. We have a 14-foot flower wall that will make your followers question every life decision they've ever made. We have a designer outdoor couch that photographs so well it basically has its own agent. We have a luscious avocado tree that screams "I summer differently than you."
Bring SD cards. Plural. Bring backups of your backups. Your storage will not survive this house and that is not a warning, that is a promise.
And when you've exhausted every angle of this property (you won't), Target is literally one minute away. One. Minute. Your husband will wait in the car and he will be fine.
From the volleyball court to the canal, from the flower wall to the pink powder room, this home has everything you need.
The men will be okay. They have each other.
